Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Elephant Wisdom

    Why are elephants so wise?

    It comes with getting long in the tooth.

  • Van Gogh Coffee Table

    I just bought an original Van Gogh coffee table.

    I know it’s authentic because there’s a bit of veneer missing.

  • Feeling Drained

    After spending an hour unclogging the bathtub and sink…

    I’m feeling pretty drained.

  • Tom Jones Syndrome

    A guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I can’t get that song ‘She’s a Lady’ out of my head. It keeps repeating and repeating, and it just won’t go away.”

    The doctor says, “Hmmm… sounds like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome.”

    The guy says, “I’ve never heard of that. Is it rare?”

    And the doctor says, “It’s not unusual.”

  • Two Tired

    Why did the bicycle fall down?

    Because it is two tired.

  • ID Theft

    My friend David has just been a victim of ID theft.

    He’s now called Dav.

  • Calendar Company

    Why did the employee at the calendar company get fired?

    He took a day off.

  • Invisible

    I thought I was invisible, so I went to the doctor…

    …unfortunately, he couldn’t see me.

  • eBay Is So Useless

    eBay is so useless.

    I tried looking up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

  • The Speed Limit of Sex

    What is the speed limit of sex?

    68 — because at 69 you have to turn around.