Joke Type: pun

Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • I Learned Next to Nothing

    I was so bored that I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and I learned next to nothing.

  • It’s Hard to Say

    I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce.

    She asked what’s so special about it.

    “It’s hard to say,” I answered.

  • Vanished Without a Tres

    I recently attended a magic show in Mexico…

    The magician said, “Uno, dos,” and then vanished without a tres.

  • Quit While He Was a Head

    A baby is born but he doesn’t have a body.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He’s only a head. They called him Steven. Steven was a happy child and he lived as normal a life as you could under those circumstances. Finally when he reached 21 his dad said, “Come on son we’re going to have a drink to celebrate your birthday.”

    He put the head on the counter and he ordered two pints of Guinness. He said cheers and he poured a sip into his son’s mouth. To everyone’s surprise, a neck and shoulders popped out like balloons. With tears of joy, the dad gave him another sip, and pop! Two arms came out of the shoulders! The dad gave him a third sip, and pop! He grew a torso! And he gave him a fourth sip and pop! He grew legs! They had to get out of there to get him some clothes because he never had any before. His dad helped him to the door because he was unsteady on his feet because they were new and because of the drink.

    He stumbled into the street and got hit by a car, instantly killing him.

    The bartender said, “Poor guy. He should have quit while he was a head.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • It’s Up a Fairway

    A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.

    “I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”

  • Make Hens Meet

    I used to run a dating service for chickens but I had to shut it down.

    I struggled to make hens meet.

  • They’ll Turn on You

    Never trust a doorknob.

    They’ll turn on you.

  • No Diggity Not No Dignity

    No Diggity Not No Dignity

  • For Maximum Concentration

    For Maximum Concentration

  • Pirate Kicked In The Nuts Menards

    Pirate Kicked In The Nuts Menards