I’m going on a first date with a vegetarian girl I met online.
I’ve never met herbivore.
Joke Type: pun
Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I Found $20 on the Ground
I found $20 lying on the ground and asked myself, “What would Jesus do?”
So, I turned it into wine.
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Blonde Fired From the M&M Factory
Hear about the blonde who got fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the Ws.
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Trampolines Disguised as Prayer Mats
I recently opened a company selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
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I Accidentally Drank a Bottle of Invisible Ink
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
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Why SeaWorld Closed
Why did SeaWorld close?
It was being reporpoised.
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Why David Hasselhoff Started Going by “the Hoff”
Why did David Hasselhoff start going by just “the Hoff”?
It was less hassle.
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Afternoon Tea With Cannibals
Two cannibal friends are sitting together over afternoon tea.
One looks across the table and asks, “Hey, I heard you and your boyfriend had a massive argument last night?”
“Oh, absolutely,” she replies. “It was dreadful.”
“So, where do things stand between you two now?”
She pauses, takes a delicate sip from her teacup, and says, “Well… right now, I’m just letting him stew.”
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“I” Before “E”
“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.
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Reminiscing With an Old School Friend
I was reminiscing with an old school friend the other day.
I said, “Do you remember when the sun would rise in the morning and set in the evening?”
He said, “Ahhh, those were the days…”
