And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Come forth, and you shall receive everlasting life…”
But John came fifth and received a set of steak knives.
Peter came last and had to eat the biscuit.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I Have Contacts
I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.
He said he didn’t care who I knew.
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You Guys Have No Life
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow, you guys have no life.
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It Was Actually Salsa
I thought the audience was throwing tomato sauce at the tango dancer, but it was actually salsa.
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Still Wouldn’t Tell Me Why It Crossed the Road
I grilled a chicken for two hours…
Still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.
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Kenya Believe It
My wife left me because I have an unhealthy obsession with Africa.
Kenya believe it?!
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Number Than Numb
English puns make me feel numb but math puns make me feel number.
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Words Cannot Describe How Much This Bugs Me
I keep forgetting the difference between etymology and entomology…
…and words cannot describe how much this bugs me.
