Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Hitting the Bottle Again

    After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.

  • Makes Your Day

    Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

    A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

  • She Had a Grant and She Blew It

    I hear Divine Brown has decided to take herself out of the downtown Hollywood life and get herself an education.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She took up a psychology course at her local university, but alas, she had to drop out due to lack of funds. Well, she had a grant and she blew it.

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  • Hard Pour Corn vs Soft Pour Corn

    Hard Pour Corn vs Soft Pour Corn

    Hard pour corn vs. soft pour corn

  • Stationery Bike

    To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.

  • Sex Worker’s Bleeding Problem Baffles Doctor

    A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. “Any specific problems you should tell me about?” the doctor asked.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours,” she replied. “Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?”

    “Well,” the doctor answered, “Haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?”

    After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, “Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess.”

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  • External Combustion Engine

    I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.

  • Mother’s Unexpected Backyard Activities

    Salesman to boy answering the door… “Hi, is your mother in?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Yes,” said the boy, “she’s out in the back yard screwing the goat.”

    “I don’t believe it,” said the salesman.

    The boy says: “Come and see for yourself.”

    So the salesman looked in the back yard, and sure enough, there was the goat screwing the mother.

    The salesman said to the boy, “Isn’t she afraid she’ll get pregnant?”

    The boy says… “N-a-a-a-a-a-a-“

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  • Bob Peters’ Unfortunate Barbershop Visit

    A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his. He walked down the street and came to a barber shop. He stuck his head inside and asked, “Bob Peters here?”

    The barber replied, “Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts.”

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  • Smothered Chicken

    As my husband ordered the smothered chicken, I thought to myself, “Boy, it sure took a sick bastard to discover the meat had a special flavor when oxygen-deprived.”