Me too ice cream, me too
Made to be licked, topped, and loved
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Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Whoever Smelt It Dealt It
Cop: ur car smells like marijuana
Me: whoever smelt it dealt it
Cop: gosh dangit
Me: ur under arrest
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It’s Not a Problem, It’s a Solution
A scientist and his apprentice are mixing fluids in a beaker.
The scientist adds a final drop to the mixture. The fluid violently shakes, turns a nasty green, and releases a puff of smoke.
The apprentice sees this reaction and asks the scientist if there’s a problem.
The scientist calmly explains that this isn’t a problem, it’s a solution.
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Prophets Going Through the Roof
I just opened a store selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof!
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Hit the Roof
I told my wife that I’ve swapped our bed for a trampoline.
She hit the roof!
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$chool and kNOwledge
Sam went away to school. A month later, he mailed a letter to his mother:
Dear Mom,
$chool i$ great. I’m making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I’m acing $pani$h and Economic$, and I $pend hour$ in the $ocial $cience$ department. $ociology i$ intere$ting!
Ju$t off I can’t think of anything I wi$h for, but it would be $uper nice if you could ju$t $end me a card, a$ you know I would alway$ love to hear from you.
Love and ki$$e$,
your $on, $amHis mother wrote back:
Dear Sammy,
I kNOw ecoNOmics, astroNOmy, and oceaNOgraphy are more than eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, your mom
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Definitely
A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY.
She turns to the class and says, “Today we’ll be looking at the word ‘definitely.’ Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement.”
Little Suzy raises her hand and says, “I am definitely going to the park after school today.”
“No, I would think there’s a good chance you’ll go to the park, but it might rain, so it’s not definitely.”
Little Billy raises his hand and says, “My team is definitely going to win the game this Saturday.”
“No, I know you really want your team to win the game this Saturday, but wanting is not enough to make it definitely.”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Miss, is there such a thing as a lumpy fart?”
“No.”
“Then I definitely just shat myself.”
