Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because that person’s car was actually already parked and the driver wasn’t even there when it happened?
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
If you have multiple personality disorder, could one of your additional personalities
If you have multiple personality disorder, could one of your additional personalities also have their own multiple personality disorder? ‘Cause that would up the suck factor exponentially — especially if they need separate toothbrushes.
-
If you’re the nudist/exhibitionist type, don’t buy a house with big picture windows in a
If you’re the nudist/exhibitionist type, don’t buy a house with big picture windows in a neighborhood with a homeowners association. Who needs neighbors telling you when it’s time to trim down there?
-
I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill
I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill you” to the end of a sentence. Now I secretly record those guys — if I’m ever murdered, all these morons will get taken in for questioning.
-
After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I
After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I realized I was simply outgunned. Never bring caulk to a nailgun fight.
-
Sometimes I wonder what my daughter would think if she ever read my Ruminations.
Sometimes I wonder what my daughter would think if she ever read my Ruminations. But then I remember she goes to public school, so it’s unlikely she’ll ever learn to read.
-
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. And frankly, the money to be had by blackmailing the agriculture and tourism industries outweighs my gut-level revulsion at having a weather-controlling freakazoid girlfriend.
-
Can’t find your way to the Apple store?
Can’t find your way to the Apple store? There’s a map for that!
-
It’s the little things that make life truly worth living.
It’s the little things that make life truly worth living. For example: starting and ending the day with the same number of teeth.
-
The proverb “Good fences make good neighbors” began to make perfect sense when I went to
The proverb “Good fences make good neighbors” began to make perfect sense when I went to my neighbor Frank’s pawn shop to try to get some quick cash for that jewelry I stole.
