Sensitivity: Dark

Dark humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Double or Nothing

    A certain country was ruled by a dictator who was very paranoid. He rarely appeared in public; he preferred to send one of his many doubles.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    One day, an enemy attacks the palace. The survival of the dictator is in question. The doubles await news, trembling in fear. If the dictator dies, they would be no longer useful, and with all the secrets they know, the new regime surely wouldn’t let them live.

    Finally, they are called into a conference room. One of the dictator’s chief advisors enters.

    “My dear doubles!” he says. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that our beloved leader has survived the dastardly attack, and so, your services are still very much required.”

    The doubles collectively sigh with relief.

    Then a big man with an axe enters the room.

    “Now for the bad news,” continues the advisor. “He lost an arm…”

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  • Hit the Ball, Drag Walter

    A man goes golfing every Sunday morning and is usually home in time for lunch. Until one Sunday when his wife found herself waiting well past noon with no sign of her elderly husband. She wrapped up his lunch and put it in the fridge to stay fresh, busying herself with chores and growing more anxious as the afternoon wore on.

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    Finally, he pulled into the driveway and she ran out to meet him. “Where have you been?” she asked.

    “Well, Walter had a heart attack on the third hole,” he replied. “Just keeled over and died right there on the spot!”

    “Oh no, that’s terrible!” the wife exclaimed.

    “Yeah, so for the whole rest of the day it was ‘hit the ball, drag Walter. Hit the ball, drag Walter…’”

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  • Magic Relationship

    Wife wanted me to put the magic back into our relationship.

    But I don’t think sawing her in half was what she was thinking.

  • Skinhead? It’s Leukemia

    Skinhead? It’s Leukemia

    YOU’RE A SKINHEAD YOU BITCH

    NO DAD, IT’S LEUKEMIA

    LEUK-WHAT? STOP SPEAKING GERMAN YOU FUCKING NAZI

  • Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger

    Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger

    rachel @raalaa_

    Roses are red, Sugar is used to sweeten

    Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn star look alike found dead in badger den half eaten

  • One Leg

    What has one leg and licks balls?

    My amputee girlfriend.

  • One Leg

    What has one leg and licks balls?

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    My amputee girlfriend.

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  • Jesus vs. a Frame of Jesus

    What’s the difference between Jesus and a frame of Jesus?

    You can hang the frame with only one nail.

  • Stacy Took My Virginity

    Stacy Took My Virginity

    [GUY]-“Stacy took my virginity last night!”

    [FRIEND]-“Isn’t Stacy mentally retarded?”

    [GUY]-“i wanted my first time to be special.”

  • You Found Me Lol

    You Found Me Lol

    you found me lol