Me: you coming to the bbq?
Her: what bbq?
Me: the one where I slap my meat across your grill
Tone: cheeky
Cheeky humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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You Coming to the BBQ?
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Ten Years On The Island
A man is stranded on an island for 10 years. He sees something in the distance coming his way. As it gets closer, he recognizes that it is a person in scuba gear swimming his way. When the person reaches the shore and stands up, he sees that it is a gorgeous woman.
She asks him, “How long have you been here?”
“10 years,” he says.
She asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“10 years.”
She unzips a little pocket and takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lights one up for him and hands it to him. As he takes a puff, she says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a shot of whiskey?”
“10 years,” he says.
She unzips another pocket, takes out a silver flask, and hands it to him. Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve played around?” and starts unzipping the front of her wetsuit.
He gets very excited and says, “10 years. I can’t believe you have a set of clubs in there!”
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A Lucky Night At The Bar
I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60+-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double. ‘What’s that?’ I asked. ‘It’s a mother-and-daughter threesome,’ she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, ‘No, I haven’t.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, ‘Tonight’s your lucky night.’ We went back to her place.
We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, ‘Mom… you still awake?’
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Romantic Nostalgia
An elderly couple had just climbed into bed for the night.
As they lay in the dark, the wife felt a wave of romantic nostalgia.
“Honey,” she whispered, “remember how you used to hold my hand when we were courting?”
The husband sighed, reached over, took her hand, squeezed it gently, and settled back down.
A few minutes later, she whispered, “And remember how you used to lean over and give me a sweet little kiss on the cheek?”
The husband sighed again, rolled over, kissed her cheek, and tucked himself back in.
Another minute passed.
“And remember how you used to softly nibble on my neck and ear?”
Suddenly, the husband threw off the blankets, swung his legs out of bed, and stood up.
Startled, the wife asked, “Honey, where are you going?”
Without looking back, he muttered, “To the bathroom to get my teeth!”
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Fred’s Annual Physical
Fred is eighty years old and has just had his annual physical. His doctor is, as always, very impressed at Fred’s level of fitness. Fred explains:
“Ever since I was young, my faith in God has helped me with the discipline needed to keep at it. As I age, the Lord keeps guiding me in many ways. For instance, when I get up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when I’m done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off.”
After Fred leaves, the doctor is a little concerned about what may be a hallucination, so he calls Fred’s wife.
“Fred is in great shape as always, but he said one thing that concerned me. He said when he gets up to pee at night, the Lord turns the bathroom light on, and when he’s done, the Lord turns the bathroom light off. Do you know what that means?”
“Yes, it means he’s pissing in the fridge again!”
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John’s Birthday At The Club
A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club on his birthday.
At the club, the doorman says, “Hi, John. How are you doing today?”
The wife asks, “How did he know your name?”
John says, “Oh! Honey, I played football with him in college.”
Inside, the bartender says, “As usual, John?”
John says to his wife, “Before you say anything, he’s on the bowling team.”
Then a stripper asks, “Hi, John. Do you want the special again?”
The wife doesn’t wait for him to give an excuse anymore. She drags him into a taxi…
Then the taxi driver says, “Hey, Johnny boy! You picked up an ugly one this time!”
John’s funeral is next week…
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My Best Friend In Bed
I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!
She was stroking him, and he was licking her!
I did what any red-blooded man would do under such circumstances.
I rolled up a newspaper, bopped him on the nose with it, and yelled:
“Bad dog! BAD dog!”
