I donated my old basketball hoop to the school for the blind.
It will be missed.
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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A Complete Guess But I Was Right
My friend asked me what the ninth letter of the alphabet was.
It was a complete guess, but I was right.
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Learn to Write With Your Other Hand
A teacher sternly informs her class that no excuse, from a papercut to the plague, is acceptable for missing a final exam.
When students suggest scenarios like car issues or roadblocks, she tells them to walk or find a detour.
Finally, a student asks what to do in the case of “extreme sexual exhaustion”?
To which the teacher deadpans, “You’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”
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Onions Was Such a Good Dog
One day when I was young I walked into the kitchen and saw my dad cutting up onions, and just everything came over me I broke down crying. Onions was such a good dog.
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Lying
Coming to the end of an initial assessment, the psychiatrist asks his new patient, “Okay, habits. Do you drink?”
The patient says, “No.”
“Smoke?”
“No.”
“Do drugs?”
“No.”
“Cheat on your wife?”
“Never.”
“Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?”
And the patient says, “Lying.”
