I learned a new word today: “Sploogemaster.” Or was it “Sploogemeister”? Either way, it totally got me kicked out of Chuck-E-Cheese.
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band!
I think “totally suckable nipple” is an awesome name for a band! But yes, I agree, it wasn’t the best choice for the elementary school chorus.
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Have you ever tried to donkey-punch yourself when jerking off?
Have you ever tried to donkey-punch yourself when jerking off? The toughest part is figuring out which sock puppet gets to do the deed.
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When I was in high school, I was abducted by an alien and anally
When I was in high school, I was abducted by an alien and anally probed. I don’t remember what the alien looked like, though, because it disguised itself as my wrestling coach and forced me to drink a mind-control drug from a tequila bottle.
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People often wonder how I climbed the corporate ladder so
People often wonder how I climbed the corporate ladder so quickly. Personally, I think it’s due to my ignoring my career counselor’s advice and refusing to remove “fellatio expert” from my resume.
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I still don’t understand what went wrong. I thought it was a
I still don’t understand what went wrong. I thought it was a pretty foolproof idea to take my animal-loving, PETA-member girlfriend down to Tijuana for a real, live donkey show.
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My boyfriend and I play this little game where I sext him “Guess
My boyfriend and I play this little game where I sext him “Guess where my finger is now” and he guesses. It’s weird, though, how he never guesses “in the cat’s ass.”
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Jesus, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and
Jesus, I’m not sure things will ever be the same between me and my girlfriend. I could’ve SWORN she said she wanted a squirrel necklace.
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I hereby aver that if I ever steal somebody else’s filthy
I hereby aver that if I ever steal somebody else’s filthy Rumination, you can fuck me up the ass. I secondly aver that I don’t want to be fucked up the ass.
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I’m trying to select a penis-shaped cake for a friend. Which one
I’m trying to select a penis-shaped cake for a friend. Which one uses real gluten-free organic flour, Cockasaurus or Diggly Wiggler?
