Right after my “Name That Tune” loss I could have kicked myself for not recognizing the subtle undertones which would have clued me in that the sound was “male TRANNY urination.”
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her
I was walking my dog when a lady asked if the shit pile on her lawn was mine and I got super offended because I haven’t shat on a lawn in weeks.
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Whenever someone with Alzheimer’s tries to apologize to me, I
Whenever someone with Alzheimer’s tries to apologize to me, I tell them to just forget about it.
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I don’t understand people who get all upset about people pissing
I don’t understand people who get all upset about people pissing in the shower. That said, shitting in the shower is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
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My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected.
My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected. It’s all fucking politics.
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Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw
Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw sewage, as if cooked sewage doesn’t smell like shit.
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Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school.
Wait, the 70s are over? Shit, I’m REALLY late for high school. Like 36 years late. I’m gonna need a note.
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Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but
Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but sometimes a change is nice.
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These funeral ushers are not fucking around with the one free
These funeral ushers are not fucking around with the one free balloon per mourner limit.
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My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I
My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.
