Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • You Got Any Toilet Paper on Your Side?

    A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.

    A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.

    Finally he asked, “May I help you, my son?”

    “I dunno,” came the drunk’s voice from behind the partition. “You got any toilet paper on your side?”

  • Taking It Harder

    My family recently discovered our granddad has a Viagra addiction.

    No one is taking it harder than grandma.

  • Your Wife Is Better

    Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “Heck. My wife is better than that.”

    The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “You know what? Your wife is better.”

  • Children’s Zoo

    Last week I took the kids to a children’s zoo.

    Last night they escaped and came back home.

  • Open Mike Night

    I’m hosting an autopsy club meeting tonight!

    It’s “Open Mike Night”!

  • Didnt Even Turn Up

    Didnt Even Turn Up

    ben @rokthedisco

    Just had a message from a random guy asking to meet in the woods to compare dick sizes, fucking weirdo didn’t even turn up

  • Pretty Good Footage

    My cellphone accidentally took a 10-minute video of my shoes yesterday…

    It was some pretty good footage.

  • Dinosaurs Don’t Make Good Pets

    Why don’t dinosaurs make good pets?

    Because they’re dead.

  • After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my

    After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.