The power of language is amazing. For instance, the one-letter difference between “pastries” and “pasties” was enough to get me permanently banned from every Dunkin’ Donuts in North America.
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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sure he means that he likes my huge tits
sure he means that he likes my huge tits.
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My parents are very asexual. I swear the only times they had sex
My parents are very asexual. I swear the only times they had sex were when I was conceived, when my sister was conceived, and that time Dad shot me in my still-developing fetal eye.
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Thank God for Ruminations. I’ve tried for years to get Heloise
Thank God for Ruminations. I’ve tried for years to get Heloise to publish the following hint: “Tired of sleeping on the wet spot? Keep a hair dryer plugged in next to the bed. One minute on high is all it takes to dry that spot up so you can sleep easy.”
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The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is
The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.
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I awoke all sticky after falling asleep on the set of an animal
I awoke all sticky after falling asleep on the set of an animal porn film. It’s something I don’t normally do
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No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered
No one was surprised when my flat-chested girlfriend discovered her family originates from the former Soviet republic of Nojugsistan.
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My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy
My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.
