(Donald Junter) No matter what kind of day I have, by the end of the day my bra always smells like boobs.
Tone: deadpan
Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Minty Fresh Brains
I’ve made provisions in my will to be buried with a roll of breath mints. I figure if I should somehow become part of a zombie army roaming the earth, I may want something minty fresh to take the taste of brains out of my mouth.
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Family of Four
I was assigned female at birth and identify as a woman, but according to the back of the Kraft mac and cheese box I’m a family of four
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Grey and Comes in Pints
What’s grey and comes in pints?
An elephant.
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Weekend Immune System
I only seem to get sick on weekdays.
I must have a weekend immune system.
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Disgruntled Employee
For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.
The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.
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Best Costume
A sure-fire way to win “best costume” at the next Halloween party is to have somebody embed a real chainsaw blade into your shoulder.
Timing is crucial, though — you don’t want to pass out from loss of blood after 10 minutes, long before the costume judging begins, like I did.
