When she sees that my Spidey man socks match my Spidey man underwear
Tone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Behold The Field Barren
BEHOLD THE FIELD IN WHICH I GROW MY FUCKS LOOK THOU VPON IT AND THOU SHALT SEE THAT IT IS BARREN.
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Advantages Older Woman
When she’s getting ready to show you the advantages of dating an older woman…
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Is That All You People Think About
Two elderly Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “Convert to Catholicism and get $50.”
Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it.”
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you convert?”
“Yes I did,” says Murray.
“Did you get your fifty dollars?” asks Abe.
And Murray says, “Is that all you people think about?”
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Yeehaw or Heeyaw
I need to know something: Is it “Yeehaw” or “Heeyaw”? I’m riding in my first rodeo and don’t want to sound like a total idiot.
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Top 15 Signs Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV
The Top 15 Signs Your Partner Learned About Sex by Watching TV
15. Lovemaking lasts exactly 30 minutes and includes eight minutes of telling you what’s on her Christmas list.
14. Every every time you remove your pants, you hear that damned laugh-track.
13. He tries to kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning.
12. The promised “wacky hijinks” when you get back to her place are, in fact, just wacky hijinks.
11. Tries to get you in the mood by whispering, “Tonight, on a very special ‘Pecker’….”
10. Always gives a wide-eyed “Well, gollllyyy!” when you take off your bra and a “SHAZAM!” for the panties.
9. Every time you take a break, he sleeps with the Dell intern.
8. He won’t finish until you say “It’s a good thing” while arranging a doily on his chest.
7. To liven things up a bit, he brings in his cousin Oliver for a threesome.
6. Shouts “D’OH!!” every time he ejaculates prematurely.
5. She always wants you to guess which room she’s naked in, but if you pick the wrong door, you’re stuck with a farm animal.
4. The mirror on the ceiling has a network logo in the bottom right corner.
3. He narrates his every move with a fake Australian accent: “Crikey! Now, this position is *really* dangerous….”
2. “It’s not an affair, honey, it’s a spin-off.”
1. Makes you wait until next week to see the exciting climax.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ] -
Top 16 Chapters in Sex for Dummies
The Top 16 Chapters in “Sex for Dummies”
16. Evolution 101: Why Dummies Might Actually Make Poor Sex Partners
15. Troubleshooting for Do-It-Yourselfers (NOTE: Memorize this chapter *before* you go blind.)
14. Oh, God! Yes!! Oh, God! OH, GOD!!!: The Missionary Position
13. Starting Out: Am I a Tab A or a Slot B?
12. Engineering Secrets of the Bra: Removal in 14 Simple Steps
11. The Face: How to Tell Your Lover Apart from All Those Other People
10. Chapter 4: No, You Don’t *Actually* Blow
9. Stop Masturbating, She’s Real!
8. You’re Britney, I’m Strom: Introduction to Role Playing
7. Foreplay: Not Just for Her Birthday, Chester
6. Putting a Condom on a Banana is Just for *Practice*, Dumbass
5. Crouching Doggie and Hidden Missionary: A Guide to Sexual Positions
4. “Alternate” Lifestyles: Pokeman?
3. Hey! Watch Those Teeth, Vampira!!
2. Sexual Physics: The Round Peg/Round Hole Theory
1. Chapter 1: Mayor McWeiner and the Clamburglar
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ] -
Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
The Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation
16. Lap-based web browsing
15. Gettin’ some air nookie
14. Wrangling the invertebrate serpent
13. Tango Con Mano
12. Jostling your Elder
11. Ruminating & Pondering
10. Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend
9. Releasing the hostages
8. Tickling your Elmo
7. Fixing the Hubble
6. Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
5. Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
4. Beda-testing the hardware
3. Downloading from your own website
2. Evicting the testicular squatters
1. Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship’s Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ]
