One of my earliest childhood memories was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.
Everything before that was a blur.
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
One of my earliest childhood memories was visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.
Everything before that was a blur.
I can’t figure out why my paper airplane won’t take off…
I guess it’s just stationery.
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied, “No.”
She responded, “How about now?”
True fact:
Before the crowbar was invented…
…most crows drank at home.
I said to my wife, “I want to marry another woman.” Just to see her reaction.
On the first day, I saw nothing. Then on the second day, I still saw nothing. On the third day, I started to see a little with my left eye.
Why do riot police go to work so early?
To beat the crowd.
My favourite word is drool.
It just rolls off the tongue.
My ditzy neighbor bought a waterbed and said it was way more bouncy than he expected…
He said, “I’m guessing it’s because I filled it with spring water.”
My dog accidentally swallowed a whole bag of Scrabble tiles. We took him to the vet to get him checked out.
No word yet…
I was in a good mood till I started petting a duckling in the park.
Then I started feeling a little down.