Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • A ceiling rafter

    I found a guy kayaking in my attic when I got home from work today…

    It turns out he was a ceiling rafter.

  • Two Irishmen, One Bar, A Shared Past!

    Two men sat next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London.

    “You sound Irish,” said the first.

    “Aye, that I am!” said the second proudly.

    “Faith and begorra, so am I! Where from?”

    “Dublin.”

    “Saints preserve us, me too! What street?”

    “McCleary Street.”

    “Mother of mercy… that’s my street as well! What school?”

    “St. Mary’s, class of ’64.”

    “Sweet heavens… I graduated in ’64 too!”

    Just then, a man walked in and asked the bartender,

    “What’s going on tonight, Murphy?”

    The bartender sighed.

    “Ah, nothing much… the O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

  • Three Pints for Brotherhood!

    An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness, and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

    When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

    The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it. Wouldn’t you rather I draw fresh pints for you one at a time?”

    The fellow replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is now in America and the other in Australia. When we all left home, we promised we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

    The fellow becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers.

    When the fellow goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

    The fellow looks confused for a moment, then he laughs and says, “Oh, no, everyone’s fine. I’ve just given up beer for Lent.”

  • Condom Conundrums: A Young Man’s Dilemma

    A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.

    The pharmacist tells him they come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which he’d like.

    “Well,” the young man says, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while, and she’s really hot. I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her parents, then we’re going out afterward. I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky… and once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time. Better give me the 12-pack.”

    So he buys the condoms and leaves.

    Later that evening, he’s sitting at dinner with the girl and her parents. He asks if he can say the blessing, and they agree.

    He starts praying… and keeps praying… and praying… for several minutes.

    Finally, the girl leans over and whispers, “You never told me you were such a religious person.”

    He whispers back,

    “You never told me your father was a pharmacist.”

  • He was a good buoy

    Did you hear about the dog who was floating in the ocean?
    He was a good buoy…

  • They’re calling it PaPal

    Did you hear the Vatican is releasing an online payment system to absolve you of your sins?
    They’re calling it PaPal.

  • Refrain from dribbling again

    My boss said he couldn’t talk because he was traveling.

    I told him he probably needs to shoot or pass, and refrain from dribbling again.

  • Ex-Wife’s Comeback: Love Beyond Worn-Out!

    A husband sees his ex-wife on the street. Knowing she remarried, he says, “Hey! How does your new husband like that worn-out old pussy of yours?”

    And she says, “He likes it just fine, once he gets past the worn-out part.”

  • I didn’t know she sold flowers

    My girlfriend asked why I never buy her flowers.

    I told her I didn’t know she sold flowers.