You guys really shouldn’t make a big deal out of me just because I got my master’s in Reverse Psychology.
Tone: Playful
Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Johnny Uses ‘Urinate’ in a Sentence
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher was going through a list of words to have each student use in a sentence.
As she got closer to Johnny, she began to regret her decision. His word was “urinate,” and she really didn’t want to give it to him.
The teacher asked, “Who wants the next one?”
Little Johnny’s hand was waving in the air while no one else responded.
Defeated, the teacher said, “Okay, Johnny, your word is ‘urinate.’”
Little Johnny thought for a moment, then said, “My dad says you’re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you’d be a ten.”
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Toast the bride and groom
Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom. -
The Top 15 Songs of the Summer
15. Sunburning Down the House
14. Humidity for the Devil
13. Sweat, Caroline
12. In the Air Conditioning Tonight
11. Juice Box Hero
10. Happiness Is a Warm Sun
9. Burn! Burn! Burn!
8. The Fool on the Grill
7. Gimme Swelter
6. Bake It Off
5. This Is What You Shaved For
4. Tan by Your Man
3. Smells Like Hawaiian Tropic SPF 30
2. Rolling in the Deet
And the number one song of the summer…
1. Can’t Stop the Peeling
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I turned a few heads
I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
I turned a few heads. -
How do you know it was on its way to work?
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me, “How do you know it was on its way to work?”
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She gave me permission
My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.
I think it was pretty cool of her to give me permission.
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Little Johnny Explains What a Gnome Is
A teacher asks her class, “Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say something like ‘asshole.’
So she calls on Suzy, who says, “Apple.”
“Very good!” says the teacher. “Now… who can tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘B’?”
Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say ‘bastard’ or ‘bitch.’
So she calls on Stephen instead, and Stephen says, “Balloon.”
This continues until they get to the letter G.
Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher says to herself, I can’t think of a swear word that starts with G.
So she calls on Johnny.
“Gnome,” says Johnny.
Very surprised, the teacher says, “That’s excellent, Johnny! It does start with G, which is silent. Johnny, do you know what a gnome is?”
“Yeah,” says Johnny. “It’s the little shit who lives in my garden and fucks fairies.”
