Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Ohio Owes Buddy Holly an Apology

    If Ohio is the birthplace of both aviation and rock and roll, I’d say they owe that Buddy Holly fella an apology.

  • The Eggnog Alibi

    I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.

  • Epiphany

    I had an epiphany today: I finally realized what the word epiphany means.

  • The Mystery of Missing Female Keebler Elves

    It’s occurred to me in the last few days, after listening to and seeing all of the Keebler commercials, just why there’s never any female elves pictured. Then it came to me: They’re all fudge-packers.

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  • Hitting the Bottle Again

    After five years on the wagon, my friend Natasha started hitting the bottle again. I just have to remember that it’s a sickness, not a weakness, to be addicted to artificially blonde hair.

  • One Lemon

    If life gives you a lemon, just throw it away, because I tried making lemonade, and let me tell you: One lemon doesn’t give you a lot of great tasting lemonade, buddy.

  • Stationery Bike

    To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.

  • Glass Houses

    Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.

  • The Honesty’s Too Much

    Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much — ’cause you’ve put on quite a few pounds, there, baby.

  • External Combustion Engine

    I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.