Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Now We’re Gonna Have to Piss in the Boat

    Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for six days, they ran out of food and water.

    On the tenth day, bleary-eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).

    They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. “POOF!” out popped a tired old genie who said, “OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I’ve been doing this three-wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I’m burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I’m outta here. Make it a good one.”

    The first guy, without hesitation or thought, blurted out, “Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!”

    “Fine,” said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.

    “Great move, Einstein!” said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head. “Now we’re gonna have to piss in the boat!”

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  • Nine Martini Nightcap

    A tired-looking gentleman walks up to a bar and asks the bartender quite explicitly for nine double martinis, extra dry, hold the olives, and to serve them all at once, right away. The bartender gives the man a curious look, but to no effect, and proceeds to mix and pour the man’s request. The gentleman picks up the first and turns it up quickly before the bartender can finish pouring even the second one, and proceeds to drink each one in turn.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Finally, the bartender has to ask. “Why all the drinks?”

    “Celebrating!”

    “Oh? What’s the occasion?”

    “My first blowjob.”

    “Well, congratulations. Let me give you one on the house to make it an even ten.”

    “No thanks. If this doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth, another one won’t help any.”

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  • Only Fifty Cents

    A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”

    The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can.

    The bartender says, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”

    The cowboy replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too if you had what I have.”

    The bartender says, “Oh dear! What is it? What do you have?”

    “I have… only fifty cents!”

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  • Jesus Christ! Are You Here Again?

    A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger comes by and asks him if he’s all right.

    The drunk replies by asking, “Do you know who I am?”

    The stranger says, “No. Who are you?”

    The drunk proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ… and I can prove it! Come with me!”

    They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells, “Jesus Christ! Are you here again?”

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  • Not Looked Back Since

    To save money on fuel I took the mirrors off of my car to reduce drag.

    I’ve not looked back since.

  • Send ’Em Out One at a Time

    Rooney owned an Irish pub in the Bronx, and in the summertime a swarm of flies seemed to just hover over the buffet table. This had been going on for about a month when O’Malley, the neighborhood mooch, walked in one day. “I’m not giving you another free beer!” Rooney hollered as he noticed O’Malley.

    The drunk was not without a plan, however. He approached Rooney and offered him a deal. “I been noticing these flies for the last few weeks. If you’ll give me a shot, I’ll kill every one of them for you.”

    Rooney gave him the agreed-upon shot. Once he had downed it, O’Malley got up and headed for the door.

    “All right,” he shouted, “Send ’em out — one at a time!”

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  • Double-Billed the Insurance Company

    A seven-year-old girl tells her mom, “Little Johnny asked me to play doctor today.”

    “Oh, dear,” the mother says nervously. “What happened, honey?”

    And the little girl says, “Not much. He made me sit in a chair for forty-five minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

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  • It Must Be an Inside Job

    A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right, he asked, “Did you pour beer on my trousers?”

    “Nope,” came the reply.

    Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, “Did you pour beer on my trousers?”

    The man also replied, “Nope.”

    “Then it must be an inside job,” he murmured.

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  • I Got in the Back Seat by Mistake

    A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.

    However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.

    “Never mind,” he said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

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  • Hickory Daiquiri, Doc

    A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

    One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

    The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”

    “No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender. “It’s a hickory daiquiri, doc.”

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