This guy, Matt, was lonely and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: absurdist
Absurdist jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Little Johnny’s Parents at School
Little Johnny’s parents come to the school to pick him up.
They go to the first floor. There is a door with a sign saying “Wonderful kids.” They look inside. Little Johnny isn’t there.
They go up to the second floor. There is a door with a sign saying “Good kids.” They check. Once again, Little Johnny isn’t there.
They go to the third floor. The sign says “Okay kids.” They open the door. Once again, no Little Johnny.
Floor number four. It says “Problematic kids.” No Little Johnny.
On floor number five, it says “Bad kids.” That one, too, doesn’t have Little Johnny.
Floor number six, a sign saying “Nightmare kids.” Horrified, the parents go inside… Still, no Little Johnny.
Finally, they go to the last floor, number seven.
A door.
The sign says “Little Johnny.”
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If only Africa had more mosquito nets
If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
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Broad Generalizations
People who make broad generalizations are always wrong.
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I hear music
My friend was walking down the street and he said, “I hear music.” As if there is any other way of taking it in.
I tried to taste it, but it did not work.
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Silver-Haired Lady and the Jigsaw Puzzle
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, “Please come over and help me. I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbor asks, “What’s it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
“According to the picture on the box,” she replies, “it’s a rooster.”
The neighbor decides to help. He comes over, and she shows him the puzzle pieces spread all over the kitchen table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, looks at the box, then back at the table.
Finally, he smiles, gently takes her hand, and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re never going to turn these pieces into a rooster.”
“Second, let’s make ourselves a nice cup of tea…”
“…and then we’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
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One Shot of Tequila Won’t Hurt
“Fuck it, one shot of tequila won’t hurt”
3 hours later:
Man Kicked Out Of McDonalds For Putting His Dick In A Burger And Yelling “THIS IS REAL MEAT, YOU FUCKERS!”
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Killing a Huge Mouse at Disneyland
Me: *Kills a huge mouse with a baseball bat*
Everyone else at Disneyland:
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Camouflage Trousers
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
