Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Go Big or Go to Hell

    If it’s 1 or 1,000 sins, you’re still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend.

  • Head Cleaner

    Just found a really old porno on VHS, called Head Cleaner.

    Sounds hot.

  • Sleeping Bag

    You ever get laid in a sleeping bag? It’s awful.

    You can’t ever move, you’re drenched in sweat, and your scout master is covering your mouth.

  • The Meter Man

    There was a knock at the door earlier. When I answered it, there was a little man standing on the step.

    I said, “You’re not very tall, are you?”

    “I’m 3′3″,” he said.

    When I asked him what he wanted, he said, “I’m the meter man.”

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  • The Ultimate Rejection

    What’s the ultimate rejection?

    When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

  • Tissue Paper and Sandpaper

    Do you know the difference between tissue paper and sandpaper?

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “No?”

    Then you should probably stay away from sandpaper.

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  • The Hinge and the Lawn Mower

    A woman goes into a hardware store to buy a hinge for a door.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She puts the hinge on the counter, and the guy says, “Excuse me, lady, do you wanna screw for that hinge?”

    She says, “No, but I’ll blow you for that lawn mower.”

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  • Why Don’t Blind People Like to Skydive?

    Why don’t blind people like to skydive?

    Because it scares the dog.

  • I didn’t think it hurt that much

    I said to my wife, “They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience…”
    “Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn’t think it hurt that much.”

  • Parking fine

    A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
    It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice.