A woman is waiting in line at a grocery store. The woman in front of her keeps sneezing and letting out a loud moan after each one.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: one-liner
One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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My Husband’s Home!
Dave pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”
The bartender asked, “What makes you say that?”
Dave beamed with pride. “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work.”
“She was so thrilled to have me around that every time a mailman or delivery guy came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
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I turned a few heads
I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
I turned a few heads. -
Authorities just found Himalayan there
Did you hear about the guy who collapsed trying to climb Mount Everest?
Authorities just found Himalayan there. -
An escasooner
What’s faster than an escalator?
An escasooner.
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She slowly came around
Last night at the airport, there was a woman totally passed out on the baggage carousel.
She slowly came around.
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All of the seats were already taken
Unfortunately, I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs’ conference.
Needless to say, all of the seats were already taken. -
She gave me permission
My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.
I think it was pretty cool of her to give me permission.
