One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

She spit it out

I gave my wife an orgasm yesterday…
…but she spit it out.

There’s a tornado in my area.
The sky was so black, it took my bike.

Why did the short-sighted vampire refuse to get glasses?
He just couldn’t see himself wearing them.

There was a safety meeting at work today…
They asked me, “What steps would you take in case of a fire?”

“Big fucking steps.”

Evidently, that was NOT the answer.

I compared how I walked down the street drunk vs sober.
The difference was staggering.

What’s the three scariest words to hear while having sex?
“Honey, I’m home!”

Did you hear the one about the Irishman that stayed out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture!

I had a fling with a lady janitor, she was always stoned so I had to break it off with her…
I’m just not into high maintenance women!

Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re always a little short.

My kids asked me what I knew about Leprechauns.

I said very little.