Joke Type: pun

Pun jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • All of the seats were already taken

    Unfortunately, I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs’ conference.
    Needless to say, all of the seats were already taken.

  • Because He’s My Newt

    A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.

    The bartender says, “Interesting pet. What’s his name?”

    “Tiny,” the guy says.

    “Why Tiny?” the bartender asks.

    “Because he’s my newt.”

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  • They’d crack each other up

    “Dad, why don’t eggs tell jokes?”

    Because they’d crack each other up.

  • It will still be stationary

    It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.

  • The Top 20 Brexitisms

    20. Czechout

    19. Byehamas

    18. AufWiederSpain

    17. Bolts-wanna

    16. ToStayOrTogo

    15. Cote de AuRevoir

    14. Canadivorce

    13. Fleeji

    12. Scootland

    11. Outdia

    10. Bounce-nia and Herewegoseeya

    9. Dubaibye

    8. Afghaniscram

    7. China-na-na, Hey Hey, Goodbye!

    6. Solongman Islands

    5. Australiaderci!

    4. Farewales

    3. Ethelopeia

    2. ColorMeGhana

    And the number one Brexitism…

    1. Greece Out

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  • Humans Eat More Bananas Than Monkeys

    I told my daughter, “Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?”

    She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered.

    “It’s true!” I said.

    “When was the last time you ate a monkey?!”

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  • That’s 15-love

    My wife said, “I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis.”

    I replied, “That’s 15-love.”

  • Butterflies in my stomach

    I’d never make it on one of those “Survivor” shows. Every time I think about eating something like caterpillars, I start to get butterflies in my stomach.

  • You don’t get any bigger than that

    If I could be any concept, I would be infinity, ’cause man, you don’t get any bigger than that!

  • Inspect Her Gadget

    I’m starting a vibrator repair service.
    I’m calling it “Inspect Her Gadget.”