Wordplay Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Date Who Drills Holes

My date told me she spends all her free time drilling holes.

I said, “Well… that’s boring.”

Did you hear the one about the donkey with a low IQ? Nevermind, it’s a stupid-ass joke.

Did you hear about the two gay Irish men? They are a perfect match.

Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick.

The fact that “hemorrhoids” aren’t called “asteroids” is a major missed opportunity for science, health, and the English language.

JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE TRASH DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T DO GREAT THINGS.

IT IS CALLED GARBAGE CAN, NOT GARBAGE CANNOT.

My psalms are sweaty
knees weak, cross is heavy

last supper is ready
it’s lord’s spaghetti

Sure, I might be addicted to brake fluid.

But I can stop anytime.

I asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”.
Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

Apparently I had left Airplane mode on.

On his deathbed, my grandfather said, “Remember these two words. They’ll open a lot of doors for you in life.”

“Push and Pull.”