Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A man goes to the therapist and says…
“Doctor, you got to help me. My wife is unfaithful to me. Every night, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up a man.
She sleeps with anybody who asks her. I can’t take this anymore!”
The therapist says:
“Relax. Take a deep breath, sit down, and tell me exactly, where’s Larry’s bar?”
I had to fire the guy who mows my lawn.
He just wasn’t cutting it.
Why are pubic hairs curly?
So they don’t poke your eye out.
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathmachicken.
I called the tinnitus hotline yesterday.
It just kept ringing.
Did you hear that the CEO of Ikea was just elected president of Sweden?
He is still assembling his cabinet.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines everywhere!
What is the funeral director’s favourite drink?
He can’t start his day without his mourning coffee.
Banks should do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled.
This is the fifth one I’ve been to that says Insufficient Funds.
My wife told me, “Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
