Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Feeling a Little Down

    I was in a good mood till I started petting a duckling in the park.

    Then I started feeling a little down.

  • She Never Listened to Me

    I had to break up with my deaf girlfriend.

    She never listened to me.

  • The First Few Days Were the Hardest

    I recently joined a nudist colony.

    The first few days were the hardest.

  • Look Back and Laugh

    It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.

    But now I can look back and laugh.

  • Funny That You Ask

    A prostitute approaches a guy. “Hey babe, do you want to have sex for $400?”

    Guy: “Funny that you ask, I could use that money very well.”

  • Her Kids and I Are Shocked

    I just found out my girlfriend isn’t a virgin.

    Her kids and I are shocked.

  • Prose and Cons

    I started a poetry club in prison.

    It had prose and cons.

  • The Tinsel on His Helmet

    My grandfather was highly decorated in World War Two.

    In fact, many people believe it was the tinsel on his helmet that got him shot.

  • Sick of Them Horsing Around

    I told my kids to stop pretending to be farm animals.

    I was getting sick of them horsing around.

  • On My Own Accord

    My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…

    But if I’m gonna have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.