Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Doctors Have Described His Condition as Stable

    BREAKING NEWS: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

    Doctors have described his condition as stable.

  • Genealogist vs Gynecologist

    What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

    One looks up your family tree. The other looks up your family bush.

  • Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper

    I couldn’t sleep last night because I realized Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have the same middle names.

  • Bad Brakes Have Never Stopped Me Before

    It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.

    But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

  • Do Not Resuscitate

    I gave my wife a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I thought that it was a caring gesture. My wife was not happy.

    The bracelet said, “Do Not Resuscitate.”

  • One Man’s Junk Is Another Man’s Treasure

    Why are gay dating sites so popular?

    Because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.

  • A Couple of No Shows

    I was recently invited to a 3-way.

    There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a great time.

  • Asking for My Feed Back

    I bought some birdseed from Amazon, and the very next day they emailed asking for my feed back. Not cool.

  • Too Much History Between Us

    I was at the museum, and I suddenly saw my ex on the other side of the exhibition hall. I didn’t go and say hello though.

    There was too much history between us.

  • I Can’t Wait to Rub It In

    I have been diagnosed with a rare condition and my doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream medication.

    I can’t wait to rub it in.