Tone: deadpan

Deadpan humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Your Whole Post Is Urined

    I hate spelling errors.

    You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

  • Always Pushing Me Around

    Ever since I got a wheelchair, my wife’s been so rude to me.

    Always pushing me around and talking behind my back.

  • It Made My Earring

    I went to a store where they use explosives to create jewelry.

    As I entered there was a loud “bang.” It made my earring.

  • Two Dead Dogs

    Last week, my girlfriend’s dog died. So to cheer her up I bought her an identical one. She was livid.

    Yelled at me, “What the fuck am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

  • A Stroke at Any Time

    My doctor said I could masturbate as much as I want…

    That’s what he meant when he said I could have a stroke at any time, right?

  • Failed Sex Ed

    Bobby and Jack got their report cards from school and found they failed sex ed…

    Bobby told Jack, “I’m so angry, I want to kick Ms. Williams in the nuts!”

  • Not a Single Piece of Straight Wood

    Happy Pride Month to Home Depot!

    There isn’t a single piece of straight wood in that place.

  • I Think It’s Nuts

    The instructor in my self-defense class said that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

    Personally, I think it’s nuts.

  • Horse Walks Into A Bar Hey Sure

    Horse Walks Into A Bar Hey Sure

    Horse walks into a bar.

    Bartender: Hey.

    Horse: Sure.

  • Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together

    Basketball Teams Could Score More Points Together

    if both basketball teams just worked together they could score so many more points