Tone: deadpan

Patrick died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.”

So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, “Nope, it ain’t Patrick.”

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Patrick.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Sean said, “Well, Patrick had two arseholes.”

“What? He had two arseholes?” asked the mortician.

“Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Patrick with them two arseholes…’”