Playful Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Now I stand corrected

I didn’t believe in my chiropractor.
But now I stand corrected.

My wife says she’s leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with poker.
I think she’s bluffing.

A patrol car is sitting on the side of the highway when a car speeds past at an alarming rate.

The patrol car takes off in pursuit, comes up beside the car, and looks across at the blonde driving. He notices she is knitting.

The cop turns on his lights and siren, and the blonde continues to knit, oblivious to her surroundings.

The cop winds down his window and uses a bullhorn to get the blonde’s attention, yelling, “Pull over!”

The blonde looks across at the cop, takes a second to answer, and finally says, “No! It’s a scarf!”

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She turned around and gave me a big hug.

My wife keeps blowing everything out of proportion.
She is single-handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer.

I gave my wife an orgasm yesterday…
…but she spit it out.

My great-uncle Herb was a renowned gardener.
He was a legend in his own thyme.