Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Gorilla Pranks Lion: Jungle’s Wildest Tale!

    A gorilla spots a lion bent over a stream taking a drink. He sneaks up behind him, does his thing, and takes off running. Furious, the lion chases him through the jungle.

    The gorilla gets ahead and runs into a safari camp, quickly throws on some khakis, grabs a newspaper, and sits by the fire pretending to read.

    Moments later, the lion bursts into camp, roaring, “Did anyone see a gorilla run through here?”

    Without looking up, the gorilla says, “You mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?”

    The lion gasps, “Oh my god! It’s in the paper already?!”

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  • Curious Minds in the Park

    A boy and his father are walking in the park.

    The boy sees a male dog mounting a female dog. He asks his dad, “Dad, what are they doing?”

    Dad thinks for a second and says, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”

    This satisfies the boy’s curiosity, and they finish their walk.

    Later that night, the boy gets up for a drink of water. He passes his parents’ room, and they’ve carelessly left the door ajar. They’re face-to-face in the throes of passion.

    The little boy asks, “Dad, what are you and Mommy doing?”

    The startled dad hesitates for a second, looks up, and says, “Well, son, we’re making you a baby brother.”

    And the kid says, “Well then, can you turn Mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”

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  • There Is a Tiger in You

    There Is a Tiger in You

    There Is a Tiger in You

  • Bench of Bizarre Disorders

    A sadist, a masochist, a necrophile, a murderer, a zoophile, and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat,” says the zoophile.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, and then kill it,” says the murderer.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, and then have sex with it again,” says the necrophile.

    “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again, and then burn it,” says the pyromaniac.

    There was a silence. Then the masochist said, “Meow.”

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  • Gorilla’s Night Out: A Barroom Surprise!

    A guy walks into a bar…

    He orders a drink and then notices there’s a huge silverback gorilla chained up at the end of the bar, just sitting there and staring at the bartender. Confused, the guy surveys his surroundings, but everyone at the bar is just chatting away and acting normal.

    He nervously downs his drink and orders another. After finishing his second drink, he summons the courage to ask about the gorilla.

    The bartender says, “Watch this.”

    Then the bartender grabs a 2×4 from under the bar and whacks the gorilla over the head with all his might. The gorilla drops to its knees, unzips the bartender’s fly, and starts sucking his dick.

    The bartender turns to the guy and says, “This is awesome. You gotta try it.”

    The guy says, “Sure, but you don’t have to hit me so hard.”

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  • Finally, Civilization

    Finally, Civilization

    Finally, Civilization

  • He’s a web designer

    My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
    We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer.

  • An arm and a leg

    If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
    It can cost you an arm and a leg.

  • Biden’s Barn Blues: A Night Out

    Biden, Obama, and Trump get lost in the woods one night.

    They come across an old farm and knock on the door to ask if they can get shelter there overnight.

    The farmer answers the door and says yes, but he only has room in his house for two guests, so one of the guys will have to sleep in the barn.

    Biden offers to sleep in the barn, and everyone turns in for the night. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door. It was Biden standing there. Biden says, “I didn’t realize horses were in there. I’m allergic.”

    So the farmer lets Biden in and sends Obama to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on his door. It was Obama standing there. He said, “I can’t sleep out there. The smell from the pigs is making me nauseous.”

    So the farmer lets Obama in and sends Trump out to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door.

    It was the horse and the pigs standing there.

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  • Defying Signs: To Animal or Not?

    Defying Signs: To Animal or Not?

    Do Not Animals