Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Mule-icious Courtroom Comeback!

    Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.

    In court the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” said the lawyer.

    Farmer Joe responded, “Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the….”

    “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted, “just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?!”

    Farmer Joe said, “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….”

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

    By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie.”

    Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

    “I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

    “Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

    “Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?””

  • Turpentine: A Horse’s Diarrhea Cure?

    A young farmer is having trouble with one of his horses, which is suffering from diarrhea. He doesn’t know what to do, so he seeks advice from the old farmer down the road.

    “Farmer John, surely you’ve seen this problem before. What should I do with a horse with diarrhea?” he asks.

    Farmer John smiles and says, “Well, a few years back one of my horses had that problem, and I gave him a drink of turpentine.”

    Relieved to have an answer, the young farmer runs home and administers the same treatment to his horse.

    Sadly, the next morning his horse is dead. He runs back over to Farmer John’s place.

    “John, I gave my horse turpentine, but he died!” the young farmer says.

    Farmer John nods thoughtfully and says, “Aye… mine did too.”

  • Polar Bear Identity Crisis!

    One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his polar bear son were sitting in the snow. The cub turned to his father and said: “Dad, am I 100 percent polar bear?”

    “Of course, son” replied the father. “you are 100 percent polar bear”

    A few minutes later the cub turned to his father again and said: “Dad, tell me the truth, I can take it. Am I 100 percent polar bear? No brown bear or black bear or grizzly bear?”

    The father put a loving paw on the son’s head. “Son,” he said “I am 100 percent polar bear, your mother is 100 percent polar bear, so you are definitely 100 percent polar bear.”

    The cub seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father and once more said: “Look, Dad, I don’t want you saying this just to spare my feelings. I have to know: am I 100 percent polar bear?”

    By now the father is becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: “Why do you keep asking if you are 100 percent polar bear?”

    The cub replied: “Because I’m freezing!!!”

  • Sharks and Clowns: A Tasty Mystery!

    You know why sharks don’t eat clowns?
    They taste funny.

  • Two hunters

    Two hunters were out in the woods when one of them suddenly collapsed.

    The other grabbed his phone, called emergency services, and yelled, “Help! We were out hunting, and I think my buddy’s dead! What do I do?!”

    The operator said calmly, “All right, sir. First, make sure he’s dead.”

    There was a pause… then two gunshots.

    The hunter came back on the line and said, “Okay — now what?”

  • Locating Legless Horses: A Clever Joke

    Where can you find a horse with no legs?
    Wherever you left it.

  • Rude Parrot

    A woman was walking past a pet store when she noticed a parrot perched outside on a T-stand. As she went by, the parrot squawked, “You’re ugly!”

    Mortified, the woman walked on, hoping it was a one-time thing. But the next day, it happened again — and the day after that too. Finally, she stormed into the shop and complained to the owner.

    Furious, the owner scolded the parrot. “If you ever insult that woman again,” he warned, “you’ll regret it.”

    The next day, the woman walked by once more. The parrot stared at her silently for a moment… then leaned forward and said, “Hey lady!!! You know…”