Never date a chick that works at subway
She knows what 6 inches really looks like
Topic: relationships
Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.
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Not Good Enough For Her Family
A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says…
“Wait, honey, there’s somethin’ I need you to know. I’m a virgin.”
“WHAT THE FOOK?” The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out.
He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her daddy’s house, where he dumps her in the yard.
Then the man drives to his daddy’s house and goes inside.
The dad sees his son, and says, “What the hell you doin’ here, boy? Ain’t you supposed to be with your new bride?”
“Well, pa,” the son says, “I was, but she told me she’s still a virgin.”
“Well holy dog-shit,” says the dad, “What’d you do then?”
“I punched her in the face and knocked her out, wrapped her up in the sheets, drug her down the stairs and out the door, threw her in the back of my pick up, and then drove on to her daddy’s house and dumped her on the lawn.”
The dad starts laughing, and, patting his son on the back, he says, “Good job, son. If she ain’t good enough for her family, I say she ain’t good enough for ours neither.”
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The Shower Drain
A young wife, freshly shaved, walks out of her bathroom into the master bedroom.
She lifts her teddy, revealing nothing underneath, licks her lips, winks, and says, “Sweetie, you know what this means, don’t you.”
Her young husband replies, “Yes, damn it, I am gonna have to spend all weekend unclogging the shower drain.”
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Kissed In Sleep Prison
being kissed in your sleep is.. like.. the purest form of love
Unless you are home alone
Or in prison.
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I’m Telling EVERYBODY!
A man walks into a confessional.
“Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I am 75 years old, and I’ve recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She’s drop dead gorgeous, loves sex, and is unbelievable in bed. We have sex at least three or four times a day, and each time, I make her scream like a banshee.”
“Oh my! This is indeed a sin. As penance, you must say five Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every day for the next week.”
“What? I can’t do that, I’m Jewish!”
“You’re Jewish? Then why are you telling ME?”
“I’m telling EVERYBODY!”
