A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink…
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Couldnt Walk for a Year
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room…
The first kid asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”
The first kid says, “A circumcision.”
And the second kid says, “Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born and couldn’t walk for a year.”
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A Hundred Dollar Bill
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, “Where in the hell have you been?” He replies, “I was out getting a tattoo.”
“A tattoo?” she frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, shaking her head in disdain. “Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well,” Larry replied, “for one, I like to watch my money grow; two, once in a while I like to play with my money; three, I like how money feels in my hand; and lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime.”
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Taking Steps to Avoid Them
I’m scared of elevators…
So I’m taking steps to avoid them.
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It Was an Estimate
Bob the Builder walks up to a girl in a nightclub and says, “I have an 8 inch dick, and I can shag all night!”
After a few drinks, she takes Bob home with her.
The next morning, she says, “You said you had an 8 inch dick and could last all night! Instead, you have a 5 inch dick and lasted three minutes!”
Bob replies, “I’m a builder, love. It was an estimate.”
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Thats a Hard One
Three nuns die and all go to Heaven. They are waiting at the pearly gates when St. Peter appears.
“I will ask each of you one question,” he says. “You must answer correctly the first time, and you will be granted access to Heaven.”
Of course, they are all nervous, but the first nun steps up.
“Who was the first man created?” St. Peter asks.
“Easy, that was Adam,” the nun replies gleefully.
The gates open, music starts playing, and in she goes.
“Next,” says St. Peter, turning to the second nun, “who was the first woman created?”
“Eve, of course!” she replies.
The gates open, music starts playing, and she enters.
St. Peter then looks at the third nun and asks, “And what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”
The third nun looks puzzled, but she’s determined to get into Heaven. She thinks and thinks, then finally mutters under her breath, “Boy… that’s a hard one.”
And the gates open, the music starts playing, and she walks into Heaven.
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Worse Off Than I Am
A judge is asking a husband why he wants a divorce.
Husband, “Your honor, every so often, my wife makes me peel garlic, chop onions, and wash dishes.”
Judge, “What’s the problem? Warm the garlic first, it peels easily. Put the onion in the fridge, no tears while chopping… I do this at least once a week. Soak the dishes for 10 minutes, they’ll clean themselves. I do this almost every day.”
Husband, “Got it! Your honor, I withdraw my case.”
Judge, “Why are you withdrawing?”
Husband, “Cause apparently, you’re worse off than I am.”
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D-d-d-david
A guy gets pulled over for speeding, and the officer says, “What’s your name, son?”
He replies, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”
The officer looks at him suspiciously and says, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The guy replies, “No, sir. My dad has a stutter, and the guy who filled out my birth certificate is an idiot.”
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First Class Isnt Going to Sydney
A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, walks into first class, and sits down.
The flight attendant sees this and asks to check her ticket. She explains that the passenger paid for economy and will need to return to her seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”
The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde passenger in first class who belongs in economy and refuses to move.
The co-pilot goes back and tries to explain, but the blonde just repeats, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”
Frustrated, the co-pilot tells the pilot they may need to have police waiting when they land.
The pilot says, “You said she’s blonde? I’ve got this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”
He walks back, leans down, and whispers something in her ear.
The blonde immediately says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” gets up, and returns to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed. “What did you say to her?”
The pilot smiles and says, “I told her first class isn’t going to Sydney.”
