One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
A man enters a confession box at late night.
“Father, I’ve sinned. I watch pornography 12 hours a day.”
The priest asks, “12 hours? How is that even possible?”
The man says, “Easy. Four hours in the morning, four in the evening, four at night.”
The priest asks, “Did you watch 12 hours today too?”
The man replies, “No, only 11 hours and 55 minutes.”
The priest asks, “Why is that?”
The man replies, “Because there is no Internet in the confession box.”
What does Popeye and a can of sardines have in common?
They both come in olive oil.
A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.
“I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”
I used to run a dating service for chickens but I had to shut it down.
I struggled to make hens meet.
Never trust a doorknob.
They’ll turn on you.
A blonde was staring dumbfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.
She yelled, “Hey, can you help me get to the other side?”
The other blonde replied, “You ARE on the other side!”
I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.
He said he didn’t care who I knew.
