Did you hear about the arrogant cannibal who started eating his own arms and legs?
He was so full of himself.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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The Siskel and Ebert
A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.
Following his directions, she got on all fours and was surprised to find herself being entered by both holes at once.
“Oh, that’s actually very nice, but how are you doing it?”
“It’s all in the name my darling. It’s called the Siskel and Ebert.”
“The Siskel and Ebert? What on earth does that mean?”
“Two thumbs up!”
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Youll Never Hit Her From Here
Two guys were out playing golf.
Dan stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity – looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Finally his exasperated friend Ken cried, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot,” answered Dan.
“Forget it, man,” said Ken. “You’ll never hit her from here.”
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At the Finnish Line
Where did the Helsinki marathon end?
At the Finnish line.
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Sails Are Going Through the Roof
I started a business making yachts in the attic.
Sails are going through the roof.
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A Solid 10 But Also Imaginary
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
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I Learned Next to Nothing
I was so bored that I memorized six pages of the dictionary, and I learned next to nothing.
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Keep an Eye Out
A man walks into a brothel and says he wants an experience like he’s never had before.
The lady behind the desk nods with a devious smile and says room 2. The man enters the room and sees a very plain looking middle aged woman. She comes over to him and pops out her eyeball from the socket and says, “In here.” He has the most incredible experience of his entire life by far. As he was leaving he said, “Oh my God, I must see you again.”
She said, “I’ll keep an eye out for you!”
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It’s Hard to Say
I told my wife I absolutely love Worcestershire sauce.
She asked what’s so special about it.
“It’s hard to say,” I answered.
