Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Little Johnny Uses a Big Word

    Little Johnny was asked to use the word “obituary” in a sentence by the teacher…

    So Johnny thought for a second and then said, “Oh bitch, you worry about me finishing my homework too much!”

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  • Why They Charge for Air

    The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires…

    She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!”

    I responded, “Inflation.”

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  • The Penfish Is Even Mightier

    The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from…

    …except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.

  • I’m Finally a Groan Man

    I just turned 40 and I groan every time I get up now.

    I’m finally a groan man.

  • At Least 8 Characters and One Capital

    During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon

    When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

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  • Put Me Down for a Five

    Police have been called to an apartment, and upon arrival find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?”

    “Yes,” says the woman.

    “Did you hit him with that golf club?”

    “Yes, yes, I did.”

    The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

    “How many times did you hit him?”

    “I don’t know — put me down for a five.”

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  • It Folded

    After I invested all my spare cash into an origami business, it folded.

  • So Full of Himself

    Did you hear about the arrogant cannibal who started eating his own arms and legs?

    He was so full of himself.

  • The Siskel and Ebert

    A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Following his directions, she got on all fours and was surprised to find herself being entered by both holes at once.

    “Oh, that’s actually very nice, but how are you doing it?”

    “It’s all in the name my darling. It’s called the Siskel and Ebert.”

    “The Siskel and Ebert? What on earth does that mean?”

    “Two thumbs up!”

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  • Youll Never Hit Her From Here

    Two guys were out playing golf.

    Dan stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity – looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.

    Finally his exasperated friend Ken cried, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”

    “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot,” answered Dan.

    “Forget it, man,” said Ken. “You’ll never hit her from here.”

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