Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “One whiskey and …………… one coke.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
“I don’t know, I was born with them,” says the bear.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Quarantine Rules
I don’t know who needs to hear this but, Quarantine Rules are Airport Rules, have a drink at 9am if you want to.
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Trump and Pence Discuss Immigration
Trump: The less immigrants we let in, the better.
Pence: The fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that in public yet.
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When Your Crush Borrows Your Ruler
When your crush borrows your ruler in class and she asks why there's a mark on it at 3 inches
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At the Bowling Alley
MEANWHILE, AT THE BOWLING ALLEY…
Due to the Coronavirus Please refrain from touching other People’s BALLS.
Please remember to wash your hands after touching your own balls. THANK YOU!
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Law Professor’s Ethics Class
law professor: you're currently failing your ethics class
me: *slides a $20 across the desk*
how about now
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A Kitchen Table
I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen
table when we heard the front door open
She said “it’s my husband!.. Quick, try the
backdoor!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you
don’t get offers like that every day. -
A Tree Falls in a Forest
[tree falls in forest]
[doesn’t make a sound]
GUY IN CAMOUFLAGE: What the—
TREE: oh shit I mean AHHH!!! -
A Note to Self for Holiday Baking
Note to self. When
baking for the holidays
don’t google cream pies.
Google cream pie
recipes.
