Tone: Playful

Playful humor, jokes, memes, and punchlines sorted by emotional damage level from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Thats a Hard One

    Three nuns die and all go to Heaven. They are waiting at the pearly gates when St. Peter appears.

    “I will ask each of you one question,” he says. “You must answer correctly the first time, and you will be granted access to Heaven.”

    Of course, they are all nervous, but the first nun steps up.

    “Who was the first man created?” St. Peter asks.

    “Easy, that was Adam,” the nun replies gleefully.

    The gates open, music starts playing, and in she goes.

    “Next,” says St. Peter, turning to the second nun, “who was the first woman created?”

    “Eve, of course!” she replies.

    The gates open, music starts playing, and she enters.

    St. Peter then looks at the third nun and asks, “And what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”

    The third nun looks puzzled, but she’s determined to get into Heaven. She thinks and thinks, then finally mutters under her breath, “Boy… that’s a hard one.”

    And the gates open, the music starts playing, and she walks into Heaven.

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  • First Class Isnt Going to Sydney

    A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, walks into first class, and sits down.

    The flight attendant sees this and asks to check her ticket. She explains that the passenger paid for economy and will need to return to her seat.

    The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”

    The flight attendant goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde passenger in first class who belongs in economy and refuses to move.

    The co-pilot goes back and tries to explain, but the blonde just repeats, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney, and I’m staying right here.”

    Frustrated, the co-pilot tells the pilot they may need to have police waiting when they land.

    The pilot says, “You said she’s blonde? I’ve got this, I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

    He walks back, leans down, and whispers something in her ear.

    The blonde immediately says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” gets up, and returns to her seat in economy.

    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed. “What did you say to her?”

    The pilot smiles and says, “I told her first class isn’t going to Sydney.”

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  • The Moyel and the Leather Worker

    The Moyel and the Leather Worker

    In the Jewish religion, the ritual specialist who conducts circumcision (“bris”) is called a “moyel”.

    So this one moyel works for decades, and saves all his clippings. When he retires, he takes them to a leather worker, and asks if he can make something out of them.

    A couple of weeks later, the leather worker calls the moyel in and lays a wallet on the counter.

    “What? Sixty years in the trenches and all I get is a wallet?” cries the moyel.

    “Rub it. It turns into a suitcase.”

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  • Put On Two Coats

    It was a hot and humid July afternoon, when I decided to visit my girlfriend, Susie. Susie may be blonde and beautiful, but sometimes she is, shall we say, lacking in other areas.

    Well Susie had decided her kitchen needed repainting, and instead of hiring a professional, decided to do it herself. I thought she might appreciate a break and brought over some cold beer and some sandwiches.

    When I arrived, I found Susie working hard painting the kitchen walls. But instead of wearing old clothes, she was wearing her fur coat and her ski parka.

    I asked her why she was dressed that way on such a hot day. She brought me the paint bucket and told me to read the instructions. I did.

    It said… “For best results, put on two coats.”

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  • Phallic Symbol

    Me: “It’s a phallic symbol.”

    Blonde Secretary in the office: “Ooh! I’d hate to tell you what it looks like!”

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  • A Fifteen Please

    A redhead walks into a bar. She walks up to the bartender and says, “I’d like a RW, please.”

    The bartender says, “What’s a RW, might I inquire?”

    “Red Wine, Duh!”

    The bartender serves her her drink. A brunette walks into the bar. “I’d like a WW, please.”

    “A WW is… what?”

    “White Wine, Duh!”

    Bartender serves her drink. In walks a blonde. “I’d like a Fifteen, please.”

    “What the HELL is a fifteen?”

    “Seven and seven, Duh!”

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  • Explain It Five Times

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 lb and he’s a blond weight lifter,” he continues, “The fella to your right is blond, 6’5″ and pushing 300 lb and he’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

    The blind guy goes: “Nah! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

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  • Ive Got Windows

    A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:

    “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen”.

    The surprised salesman replies: “But madam, computers do not have curtains…”.

    And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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  • Push Up Bottom

    A blonde woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant.

    The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant and never have. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis and would like some more.

    The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing full well that they don’t stock, or have ever sold, such an item. She smiles at the thick blonde pillock and says, “One moment please, I will get the pharmacist.”

    The pharmacist looks at the blonde and says, “Can I help you miss?”

    “I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please,” says the blonde.

    “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”

    “But I always get it here,” says the blonde.

    “Do you have the container it comes in?”

    “Yes!” Said the blonde, “I will go and get it.”

    She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to the her “This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant.”

    The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”

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  • The Seagull

    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde. The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on. The bathroom is just up the hill. I’ll go get some toilet paper.”

    After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh. The redhead says, “What’s so funny?”

    The blonde says, “Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her! By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!”

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