Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • A Ford Oar two-door

    Ford should make a coupe and call it the Oar.
    It’d be a Ford Oar two-door.

  • The Figure Skater at the Bar

    An ice hockey player, a rodeo clown, and a beautiful figure skater walk into a bar.

    After a couple of drinks, they start comparing injuries.

    “None of my teeth are my own. I once lost seven teeth during one game,” says the hockey player.

    “Well, that’s nothing. During my career, I broke each and every one of my bones,” replies the rodeo clown.

    The figure skater rolls her eyes and says, “I used to be a Red Sox infielder. Do you have any idea what that ball can do to a man if you forget to wear the jockstrap?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Pepper

    A woman is waiting in line at a grocery store. The woman in front of her keeps sneezing and letting out a loud moan after each one.

    Woman #1 asks if she’s okay.

    Woman #2 says, “I have this reaction where anytime I sneeze, I have an intense orgasm.”

    Woman #1 asks if she takes anything for it.

    Woman #2 sneezes again and moans out the word:

    “Pepper!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • My Husband’s Home!

    Dave pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”

    The bartender asked, “What makes you say that?”

    Dave beamed with pride. “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work.”

    “She was so thrilled to have me around that every time a mailman or delivery guy came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • I turned a few heads

    I walked down the street dressed as a screwdriver.
    I turned a few heads.

  • Authorities just found Himalayan there

    Did you hear about the guy who collapsed trying to climb Mount Everest?
    Authorities just found Himalayan there.

  • An escasooner

    What’s faster than an escalator?

    An escasooner.

  • She slowly came around

    Last night at the airport, there was a woman totally passed out on the baggage carousel.

    She slowly came around.

  • All of the seats were already taken

    Unfortunately, I showed up late to the kleptomaniacs’ conference.
    Needless to say, all of the seats were already taken.

  • She gave me permission

    My wife said I could be an idiot sometimes.

    I think it was pretty cool of her to give me permission.