Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • It Tastes Like Ass

    If you’ve never tried donkey meat, don’t bother.

    It tastes like ass.

  • Not Remotely Funny

    I told a joke on a Zoom meeting and no one laughed.

    It turns out I’m not remotely funny.

  • Jill Painted Her Nails Purple and Bob Has a Pecker

    I used to date a girl who had a twin. People always asked me how I could tell them apart.

    It was easy.

    Jill painted her nails purple and Bob has a pecker.

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  • I’d Like a Burger and Fries Please

    A blonde walks into a library…

    …and then says to the librarian, “Hi, I’d like a burger and fries please.”

    **Librarian:** Ma’am, this is a library.

    **Blonde:** Oh, sorry. (Whispering) “I’d like a burger and fries please.”

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  • I Could See Myself Working There

    They’re building a mirror factory in my town.

    I could see myself working there.

  • Taking Steps to Avoid Them

    I’m scared of elevators…

    So I’m taking steps to avoid them.

  • Now She Wants to Break Three

    My daughter broke two of my Freddie Mercury records.

    Now she wants to break three.

  • Brunette Jokes

    What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
    A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

    What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
    Brown-bagging it.

    What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
    No one else wants it.

    Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
    So brunettes can remember them.

    What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    Invisible.

    What’s a brunette’s mating call?
    “Has the blonde left yet?”

    Why didn’t Indians scalp brunettes?
    The hair from a buffalo’s butt was more manageable.

    Why is the brunette considered an evil color?
    When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

    What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
    The invitation.

    What do you call a good looking man with a brunette?
    A hostage.

    Who makes bras for brunettes?
    Fisher-Price.

    Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?
    It matches their mustache.

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  • It Hurts When They Boil Their Nipples

    Why don’t blondes like to breastfeed their children?

    Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.

  • How Does a Blonde Hold Her Liquor

    How does a blonde hold her liquor?

    By the ears.